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2 years ago
Ah, VENT OUT VENT OUT VENT OUT.
Tonight, I feel so lonely. I feel like I’m growing far apart from Chris. :/ I don’t know, not having my phone on and not talking to him before I go to sleep kinda sickens me. I feel like something else is there, like it’s gonna replace me. It’s ridiculous how I can’t explain how I feel. The arguing, I’m getting so fed up with it. I just wanna start a new relationship with him, leave the past and all the mistakes and everything, and just start all over. That’s what I want, and what this relationship needs to survive. I’m willing to start all over, I don’t know about him.
Every night I cry, every night I argue with him, it just pushes me back, so fucking far back. I feel like he just doesn’t care anymore, I don’t feel anything. I don’t feel what I used to feel from him :/ I feel like he’s letting go, it sucks. I don’t know whats going on. He doesn’t even think we’re gonna be together next month, cause of my cosmetology class. Like what the fuck, THANKS. What girlfriend wants to hear that? Just ugh :/
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2 years ago
OOK!
So, this past week has been very; busy, I guess.
Chris is officially done with me. I was pretty confused at first, cause he usually would text me later on that day and say something, but he didn’t. I guess he stopped reading my stuff. I guess it’s for the best.
I got my license 3 days ago? Yeah, I think that’s it lol. But, it doesn’t feel any different to have it. I’m glad I finally got it though, just one problem. GAS MONEY. I’ve been applying for different jobs like CRAZY. I need to re-do my resume, I gotta ask someone to kinda help me out with it. :P Oh, I still need to talk to Paris Beauty College about my classes and etc. Ugh, things to do, and I’m lagging so far behind :( But, I’m excited to get the fuck outta the house and actually do SOMETHING responsible for once.
I feel like I’m changing, or progressing. I don’t know how to explain it, maybe cause I haven’t reached my progression yet. Well, toodles<3
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2 years ago
Ughh, today was horrible :[
I failed my driver’s test, cause I didn’t look at my mirror when I was merging into the bike lane. I DID look over my shoulder and shit. Just UGHHH. >:/ Idgaf, at least I got momoyama’s after and yogurtland.
I love how no one supported me, all I got was “WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU” just unnecesary shit I don’t wanna hear. It’s whatever, fuck all of them. Well anyways, i’m gonna take a nap, i’m sick and I don’t wanna be sicker for this weekend. <3
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2 years ago"There’s a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything, but it’s not giving up. It’s realizing that you don’t need certain people and their crap"
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2 years ago
I’m slowly giving up more and more everytime we fight. It’s getting tiring and I can’t take it anymore. I’m tired of trying and getting nowhere, always stuck in the same hole. Every time we take a step forward, we always take 2 steps back everytime we argue. I’m fed up and at the moment, I don’t know what to do and I don’t wanna deal with it right now.
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2 years ago
Why can’t life and love be easier?
Why can’t I kill everyone I want, how about that.
FML atm.
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2 years ago
![Ahhh Twilight :]
I accepted a friend request today from a Anti-Twilight group. I was LOL’ing at the stuff they’ve made so far. I didn’t join cause I care about the literature and crappyness about twilight; I just hate Twilight. Only watched it once, and yeah I can admit I’ve read up until the 2nd book. But seriously, Edward Cullen was just made-up to make lil’ 10-year-old’s drip in their skirts. GROSS. Some people just go TOO far with it. Sayin’ they wanna make out with Edward Cullen or have his kids, like WTF? Grow up. Oh well, fantasy world people. Like some of the kids from my high school, omg, they’d pretend they had magical powers and talk to themselves lol. Weird. This is why they should stop making stupid books like that, unless it’s for little kids; fairy princess’ and pumpkins and blind mice. :]](http://25.media.tumblr.com/nJIwLaadir0vpfqi7TyBrO78o1_400.jpg)
Ahhh Twilight :]
I accepted a friend request today from a Anti-Twilight group. I was LOL’ing at the stuff they’ve made so far. I didn’t join cause I care about the literature and crappyness about twilight; I just hate Twilight. Only watched it once, and yeah I can admit I’ve read up until the 2nd book. But seriously, Edward Cullen was just made-up to make lil’ 10-year-old’s drip in their skirts. GROSS. Some people just go TOO far with it. Sayin’ they wanna make out with Edward Cullen or have his kids, like WTF? Grow up. Oh well, fantasy world people. Like some of the kids from my high school, omg, they’d pretend they had magical powers and talk to themselves lol. Weird. This is why they should stop making stupid books like that, unless it’s for little kids; fairy princess’ and pumpkins and blind mice. :]
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2 years ago
![This is probably one of the most emotional thing I have written in a long time, in ANY online diary.
That guy up there in that picture is Christopher Michael McGee. My ex-fiancee, my ex-boyfriend, but most importantly he’s the guy I’m head-over-heels in love with. I know some of you may disagree about this, or think I’m “pathetic/sad” cause I’m writing this. But if I can’t contact him and let him now how I truely feel, what else is there?
I remember it like it was yesterday; I was on stickam and I was browsing to add new people and I remember seeing his pic. I clicked his pic and I instantly thought, “He fucking better accept my shit fast..” And he did. He didn’t go into my LIVE until weeks later, days later at the least. He came into my LIVE and instantly got on cam. Weird cause I thought his bestfriend Alex was him and I said “Um… did he use a fake pic or something????” And he explained that the guy next to him was his bestfriend. I just rememeber his cute face, not very talkative, but his cuteness made up for it. All I said to myself was “I’m gonna make this boy mine ^-^” yes my face was really ^-^ when I said that.
I remember the night I gave him my number, oh gob was I desperate to being with him. Sad, yes it is sad to me. :P I was like a little school girl everytime I heard ‘new message’ and it was him. I would smile for days until my cheeks got sore. And I remember talking to him too. We talked about the basic things like people do when they first talk on the phone.
I was in my LIVE with chris and some other chick. I remember PMing her asking her to ask him if he likes me. He didn’t tell her straight off the bat, but he did and I told her to tell him that I said I liked him too, hahaha. I even remember me&him talking about it and he said in a PM, “OK, WE’RE DATING” not exactly the words, but yeah :] It was weird cause I thought I had no chance with him, I didn’t think he’d EVER like me.
I remember the day I saw him for the first time. “Oh, he’s so fuckin skinny…” But damn he was so cute…. Cutie w/ his laptop and his camera. He expected to take pictures lol. Our first kiss was at Ms. Fields cookie shop, I KISSED HIM FIRST, to set the fucking record straight cause he keeps saying it was him. Psh he THOUGHT of it, I went for it lol
Ok, so I’m rambling on and I really wanna get down to the point of this post. It’s so hard to describe what I feel and what I exactly want to say. He may say that I don’t love him, but I can honestly say I do. I’ve never been so…BOUND to someone in my life. I never knew that loving someone could be so hard, especially when you truely do love them. A lot of people misunderstand me; thinking I’m nothing but drama. I know I’m a drama queen at times, but it doesn’t mean he isn’t either. We’ve done our fair share in drama, pissing each other off, calling each other names, doing immature shit.
My shit: Not moving in, leaving him at bart :/, not getting married on my birthday, lying to him, not seeing him at 4th of July, ditching him for my friends, making other plans with people than him.
His shit: Ruining my ball, burning all the shit i’ve given him since we’ve been together, posting my n00dz on myspace.
But we had a lot of good times: proposing to me in san francisco, me baking him cookies&brownies, going to ball together, sleeping together in bed, waking up to each others faces in the morning [MY FAVORITE PART I`LL NEVER FORGET], getting my name tattooed on his wrist, feeding each other food, watching movies together, going to wal-mart to buy junk food, having sex [lmfao], meeting each other up at Greyhound, writing him love letters, making a sidekick shell of our picture, making our sidekick themes of each others faces, giving each other phone charms, taking him to the asian market for once, introducing him to Pocky/marble drink/vietnamese food, meeting each others parents, buying him a jacket so he wouldn’t be cold when he got home, sleeping on the phone together, giving him kisses on the forehead, beating each other up, holding hands, kissing.
I’m gonna miss it all. At the moment, our lives are on different pages. But it doesn’t mean I wanna find someone else. I know my soulmate, either you think it’s right or wrong, he really is and it’s hard for anyone to understand how I feel about him. I gave my heart away and I NEVER want it back. Ughh, I wrote this crying 99.9% this whole time.
It’s been 6 months of hell and back, and I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat.
“No one said love was ever easy. And if someone tells you that, smack them in the damn forehead, cause they’re wrong”](http://25.media.tumblr.com/nJIwLaadiqvi0gs8L0t3aVb6o1_400.jpg)
This is probably one of the most emotional thing I have written in a long time, in ANY online diary.
That guy up there in that picture is Christopher Michael McGee. My ex-fiancee, my ex-boyfriend, but most importantly he’s the guy I’m head-over-heels in love with. I know some of you may disagree about this, or think I’m “pathetic/sad” cause I’m writing this. But if I can’t contact him and let him now how I truely feel, what else is there?
I remember it like it was yesterday; I was on stickam and I was browsing to add new people and I remember seeing his pic. I clicked his pic and I instantly thought, “He fucking better accept my shit fast..” And he did. He didn’t go into my LIVE until weeks later, days later at the least. He came into my LIVE and instantly got on cam. Weird cause I thought his bestfriend Alex was him and I said “Um… did he use a fake pic or something????” And he explained that the guy next to him was his bestfriend. I just rememeber his cute face, not very talkative, but his cuteness made up for it. All I said to myself was “I’m gonna make this boy mine ^-^” yes my face was really ^-^ when I said that.
I remember the night I gave him my number, oh gob was I desperate to being with him. Sad, yes it is sad to me. :P I was like a little school girl everytime I heard ‘new message’ and it was him. I would smile for days until my cheeks got sore. And I remember talking to him too. We talked about the basic things like people do when they first talk on the phone.
I was in my LIVE with chris and some other chick. I remember PMing her asking her to ask him if he likes me. He didn’t tell her straight off the bat, but he did and I told her to tell him that I said I liked him too, hahaha. I even remember me&him talking about it and he said in a PM, “OK, WE’RE DATING” not exactly the words, but yeah :] It was weird cause I thought I had no chance with him, I didn’t think he’d EVER like me.
I remember the day I saw him for the first time. “Oh, he’s so fuckin skinny…” But damn he was so cute…. Cutie w/ his laptop and his camera. He expected to take pictures lol. Our first kiss was at Ms. Fields cookie shop, I KISSED HIM FIRST, to set the fucking record straight cause he keeps saying it was him. Psh he THOUGHT of it, I went for it lol
Ok, so I’m rambling on and I really wanna get down to the point of this post. It’s so hard to describe what I feel and what I exactly want to say. He may say that I don’t love him, but I can honestly say I do. I’ve never been so…BOUND to someone in my life. I never knew that loving someone could be so hard, especially when you truely do love them. A lot of people misunderstand me; thinking I’m nothing but drama. I know I’m a drama queen at times, but it doesn’t mean he isn’t either. We’ve done our fair share in drama, pissing each other off, calling each other names, doing immature shit.
My shit: Not moving in, leaving him at bart :/, not getting married on my birthday, lying to him, not seeing him at 4th of July, ditching him for my friends, making other plans with people than him.
His shit: Ruining my ball, burning all the shit i’ve given him since we’ve been together, posting my n00dz on myspace.
But we had a lot of good times: proposing to me in san francisco, me baking him cookies&brownies, going to ball together, sleeping together in bed, waking up to each others faces in the morning [MY FAVORITE PART I`LL NEVER FORGET], getting my name tattooed on his wrist, feeding each other food, watching movies together, going to wal-mart to buy junk food, having sex [lmfao], meeting each other up at Greyhound, writing him love letters, making a sidekick shell of our picture, making our sidekick themes of each others faces, giving each other phone charms, taking him to the asian market for once, introducing him to Pocky/marble drink/vietnamese food, meeting each others parents, buying him a jacket so he wouldn’t be cold when he got home, sleeping on the phone together, giving him kisses on the forehead, beating each other up, holding hands, kissing.
I’m gonna miss it all. At the moment, our lives are on different pages. But it doesn’t mean I wanna find someone else. I know my soulmate, either you think it’s right or wrong, he really is and it’s hard for anyone to understand how I feel about him. I gave my heart away and I NEVER want it back. Ughh, I wrote this crying 99.9% this whole time.
It’s been 6 months of hell and back, and I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat.
“No one said love was ever easy. And if someone tells you that, smack them in the damn forehead, cause they’re wrong”
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2 years ago
So I made a tumblr. Surprisingly. I deleted my xanga account, too “middle-school” for me. Hmm Idurno whats better; tumblr or blogspot?
Well anyways, today I went to Synthias. We went to the mall to meet up w/firecrotch. Her break was only 30 minutes, how sad =[ So after she left, me&synthia walked around the mall and trying to get pins from Heritage. One pin isn’t gonna change the damn display of THOUSANDS of their damn pins lol.
Then back to Synthias house. Watched a scary movie, and talked about stickam cause she’s never heard of it :3 LOL She’s so silly. Then my parents came to pick me up, and I drove home. Now I’m here, spending my 5 minutes on writing this lol. Whooo :)
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